We chose this cruise because it left from Dover, which is to near to home, and because it visits the Norwegian fjords.

Norway is amazing, but I overheard Boudicca being dubbed HMS Dignitas, and that was upsettingly accurate. It really was a floating care home. There were no activities or evening shows even remotely suitable for the under 70s; it was all bridge, knitting, and very bad easy listening piano music.

The ship is old too. The decor is what I'd expect of a Travelodge, with garish patterned carpets and cheap furniture. The cabins have tiny, horrible bathrooms with shower curtains and no toiletries except soap, which is awful considering the price. It's also impossible to turn off, or turn down, the noisy, powerful air-conditioning, so the air in the cabins is desiccated, and I didn't get a single night's unbroken sleep. Read more